


Making Plans

by weebeanie



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Arguing, Friendship, Hopeful Ending, Humor, M/M, Pining, Plotting, Post-Series, Pre-Slash, Snark, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000, break up of canon relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-28
Updated: 2012-05-28
Packaged: 2017-11-06 05:12:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/415074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weebeanie/pseuds/weebeanie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Rodney and Jennifer break up and fake heartbreak... Jennifer has large needles and isn't afraid to use them... John aquires an unusual pet... and Rodney needs to man up and go get himself a Colonel!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Making Plans

It was totally unfair that he kept finding himself in these awkward situations. 

And totally Sheppard’s fault, Rodney McKay decided huffily. How many times had he ended up locked in a small space with a ruthless adversary who expected him to deliver the impossible? 

McKay added this to his mental tally of reasons Sheppard owed him. They had better discover some ancient cocoa-bean replicating device soon because all the chocolate on Earth wouldn’t cover what he was owed at this rate.

He reluctantly turned to face his captor. At least he was finally able to see past the beguiling façade of innocent beauty to the single-minded core of steel within. 

“We need to be smart about this Rodney.”

Now that was too much to take.

“Excuse me. I happen to be the smartest man in two galaxies. I hardly need advice from a witchdoctor.”

Jennifer Keller’s smile was infinitely sweet as she gestured around the medical lab. “What did we agree Rodney?”

McKay folded his arms defensively and retreated quickly. “No talk of voodoo while you’re in reach of large needles.” Rolling his eyes, he muttered under his breath. “Though I think that in itself proves my point…”

He fought the urge to fidget as that resolutely sweet smile and expectant gaze remained fixed on him. 

“Can we stick to the topic please Rodney?”

Rodney’s groan was heartfelt. “Why do we have to? I could just about see the point of discussing our feelings when we followed it up with having actual sex but this is ridiculous. We broke up a month ago, Jennifer. We should be at the awkward, can’t-stand-to-be-in-a-room-together, avoid-all-contact stage of heartbreak. I like that stage. Sheppard brings me coffee and chocolate.”

A soft smile tugged at the corner of his mouth at the thought of the many adorable (and dorky) ways Sheppard showed his concern after a break-up. In the past month John had devoted every spare minute to cheering him up and soothing his heartache. 

It was totally worth giving up regular sex for. 

While on Earth they’d stocked up on old favourites as well as any promising looking new movies and television series. They’d got through barely a quarter of their to-watch marathons list so far, as the obligatory commentary, critique, arguments and mockery were slowing them down. Really at this point, viewing anything without Sheppard would be just no fun at all.

Several hours a week were spent in the new game room, which was sadly not a secret but on the plus side no longer a tool for world-domination. Sheppard claimed the new room would have to do until McKay built either a working Holo-deck or Ferris Wheel. Rodney was more focused on ensuring that one day his genius would finally triumph and he would beat Sheppard and the Marines at Halo - even if he had to pull a Captain Kirk and reprogram the damn game. 

They ate all their meals together, sometimes with Teyla and Ronon, but more often than not it was just the two of them. Sheppard had out-done himself in providing all of Rodney’s favourite foods. He’d been especially proud of tracking down the like-a-lobster but at an obvious loss when it made strong objections to being cooked. Sheppard had spent an hour trying to coax the trembling creature down from the ceiling before giving up and throwing his ladle at it. The almost-a-lobster apparently took this as a friendly gesture and dashed over to return it before racing back into a receiving position. 

Lucius-the-nearly-lobster was now reigning happily over the scientists in the aquatic lab and went into frenzies of delight every time Sheppard sneaked in to play fetch-the-ladle. 

Rodney supposed he should feel guilty about the fact that he wasn’t actually heartbroken but he was just following the rules of the game they’d been playing for five long years. It wasn’t as if he was oblivious to Sheppard’s mood swings when Rodney was in a relationship and his relieved pleasure at being able to keep Rodney to himself. Rodney figured they were good for at least another month before he would have to publicly ‘recover’ and they’d lose the excuse to monopolise each other’s time completely. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a disgusted snort as Jennifer flopped into a chair and abandoned her perky Dr Barbie facade. Aggressively sweet politeness was replaced with a derisive glare. 

“Whatever Rodney, it’s not like we have an audience right now. I promise that tomorrow I’ll wander the hallways looking inconsolable and you can stalk around like a wounded bear ready to eviscerate any unsuspecting scientists who cross your path.”

Meeting each others gaze, they traded identically wicked grins at the image. 

Rodney relaxed. He may have a Pavlovian response to beautiful, socially adept women which turned him into a bumbling idiot but he could hold his own against any snarky, maladjusted genius no matter how pretty the package. “You know you’re not nearly as nice as people think you are Jennifer. It’s my favourite thing about you.” Smirking, he let his gaze shift. “Well apart from your…”

“Rodney. We don’t have much time. We need to come up with a new plan.”

“I don’t see what the problem is. Everything is back to normal.” 

“And you’re so happy with normal. Isn’t that how we ended up together in the first place? We were both afraid to go after what we really wanted so we created a relationship based on thank-God-we’re-alive sex and a fantasy of white picket fences, gold rings and cute genius babies.”

Rodney’s tilted his head as he considered the ridiculous ‘plans’ they’d hatched. He still found it hilarious that anyone had taken them seriously. As if either of them could really give up Atlantis. 

All the talk of staying on Earth, winning a Nobel and breeding rugrats had been a fun way to relieve stress in the face of continual danger from space-vampires, crazy Pegasus locals and the pack of idiot-monkeys who claimed to be his science team. 

And it had come in very useful when renegotiating their government contracts while Atlantis was on Earth. He and Jennifer had been conceded everything on their things-we-need list, things-we-want list and their crazy lets-see-how-far-we-can-push-this list. Rodney figured the total capitulation was due to equal parts desperation to keep them in the program and abject terror that they would actually follow through on the spawning of mini-McKays. 

He could just imagine a tribe of tiny blond blue-eyed smart-assessed McKays terrorising the SGC. “Our kids would have been cute… and definitely geniuses.”

Jennifer’s eyes held a mischievous glitter. “Sure Rodney. But you know our cute, genius babies would probably grow up to be crazy evil overlords and take over the galaxy.” 

“So? It’s important to have a goal in life.”

Jennifer contemplated the strangely appealing prospect of giving birth to the future rulers of the galaxy for a moment before squashing it ruthlessly. 

“Let’s focus on our immediate goal, shall we?” 

“Why do I have to go first? What about you and Ronon?”

“Ronon is far too loyal to start anything with me while you’re supposedly heartbroken. I don’t have any chance with him until he sees you blissfully happy with Colonel Sheppard. Bottom line is I’m not getting any unless you do… so you need to man up and go get yourself a Colonel!”

“I’ve tried. I have! I get it all set out in my mind, exactly what I want to say. Then he’s in front of me with the hair and the smirk and the leaning… I can’t help it if my brain melts!” 

“Maybe you should just write him a note and I could pass it in study hall.”

“Not helping.” 

“Relax Rodney. It’s not as if talking about feelings is in Sheppard’s skill set either. We just need to give the Colonel a little push, that’s all. It shouldn’t be that difficult. You just need to apply the full force of that brain of yours to driving the Colonel crazy. He’ll jump you then I can jump Ronon and we’ll all live happily ever after.”

Rodney threw up his hands in frustration. “Oh and seduction is right up my alley isn’t it? Because I have so much experience driving people crazy with lust. I have to fend them off with a stick.”

Jennifer grinned and aimed a cheeky leer at Rodney. “You just need to use your natural assets.”

“Wait.” Rodney turned suddenly and snapped his fingers. Maybe he could… Yes. Oh yes, this was going to be fun. A supremely confident smile spread across his face as he contemplated the absolute brilliance of his plan. 

“John will never see it coming.”


End file.
